Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
