I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
