Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
