How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
