Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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