If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
