I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
