yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
