Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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