I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
