Your tits are I can't wait for
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
