Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
