"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
