K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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