and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
