2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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