"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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