Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
