I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
