In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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