i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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