i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
