oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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