20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
