I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
