dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
