They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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