I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
