3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He shit in the fireplace
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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