just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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