We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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