Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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