ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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