im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
