i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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