I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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