I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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