I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
