it hurts more in the daytime
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
