Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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