This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
