i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
