i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
