I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
