Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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