Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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