when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
