It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
