we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
