On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
