So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
