I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
