Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
