she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
