it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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