...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
